Log in

chasing_melody's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

Hello, I'm Zach.
I love Danielle more than anyone or anything.
I have a cat named Katie.
And Danielle wants to steal her.
I'm pretty weird.
Music and guitars are a big part of my life.
I love horror literature and films, but i also love other kinds of movies.
Pretty much, my favorite snack is gardettos.
I wish danielle could sleep over.
Add me sometime.
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Fuck... [
1/19/07 - 11:21 pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I just finished my application to Columbia College, and I thought the essay part said not to be more than 4,000 words, but it said no more than 4,000 CHARACTERS. That's like spaces, indents, line breaks, letters, everything. My essay is around 2500 words. That's about 11000 CHARACTERS!!! Now I need to strip it down to 4000 characters to submit it, and I busted my ass writing it. I have no idea what to get rid of, let alone how to get rid of 7000 characters. fuck fuck fuck. HELP!

Ask me if you want to read it.

well... [
1/18/07 - 3:39 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I've come to a few valid conclusions today after sitting through 55 grueling minutes of resource management:

1) People get WAY too excited when they get answers correct.
2) A lot of the kids in my class have no idea what they're talking about.
3) Hicks/kids in FFA are never funny. All their jokes are either random noises of triumph (Ex. "HOO-HA!" or "YEE-HAW" or even "WOO DANG!") or quotes from the Dukes of Hazzard.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be less irritating.

hallo. [
1/3/07 - 7:53 pm]
[ mood | happy ]

It's been a while, hasn't it? Things have been great lately. Danielle and I have been very happy, and will be very happy for a very long time. Things are definitely shaping up, and will continue to. I love her so much, and I feel so shitty for taking her for granted. That's in the past now. Now I'm becoming different, in a good way. I'm becoming an overall nicer and more considerate person. I promise I won't get grounded anymore. It sucks. I got some cool stuff for Christmas. I got money, a lot of jeans, and a new jacket from my parents. Money and gift cards from my relatives. I got the best stuff from Danielle though, of course. She gave me things for one year and for Christmas. She knows me the best. :)
I got a new phone, a Virgin Mobile Slice. I got some money for the phone, a speaker pillow so I can listen to music through a pillow, some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figurines, really expensives pens, a Chiodos track jacket, footie pajamas (Youth XL, yesss), a cool Nerf gun with sticky darts, a ringtone card for my phone, some much needed gum and Bod, and assorted candy canes. Anything I forgot, I'll put on here soon.

I got Danielle a whole bunch of stuff. I got her a furry Hollister sweater, a teal Hello Kitty hoodie, a Hello Kitty necklace, a heart and key charm necklace for one year, and some other things I unfortunately forgot. I'm stupid sometimes, most of the time actually. Sorry if I forgot anything. I'm sure I'll remember soon.

Anyway, things are great with us. I love her so much. So so much. No one even knows how much. <3

an odd feeling... [
11/29/06 - 8:01 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I took a nap today for the first time in probably several years. I forgot how weird it feels to wake up in the evening and not remember what happened. When I woke up, it was 6:22 and I was in my clothes. I was like, "What the hell, why did I sleep in my clothes? Shouldn't I be in pajamas?" I kept thinking to myself things like "Shouldn't I be saying 'Good morning'?" and "I need to get in the shower, I woke up kinda late" and "Why is it so dark outside?" Weird.

Anyway, things are getting better. I'm more patient and more outgoing, in my opinion. I'm not as gloomy as before, and I'm just trying to look on the bright side of things. Work is pretty good; wish I made more than 6.50 though. At least I like my job. I hope I don't get laid off after Christmas; I feel like I did good enough to earn a full-time spot there. Really hope I'm right.

well, i haven't been on here in a while... [
11/25/06 - 9:58 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I haven't been myself lately, and I want to apologize for those who have noticed that and who have had it impact them, especially one person; you know who you are. There's not really much of an explanation for how I've been acting - I've just been being a dick, asshole, idiot, dumbass, any word of that sort. I know it isn't me, and I'm sincerely sorry that you have to see that part of me. It isn't really me; I just lose temper and lose control sometimes, and it's like a different persona. Kind of like the Incredible Hulk. When he's himself, he's a calm, rational, nice guy. He's a normal person. When he gets in a bad mood, he flips out, becomes angry, and is panicked and out of control. So in conclusion, I'm extremely sorry for ever being that way. I'm desperately trying to calm myself down when that happens, and I'm slowly improving. Please bare with me. I love you.

As for everything else, it's really so-so right now. I fight and argue alot, but I don't want to. I know that I shouldn't, but sometimes I do it anyway. Please, anyone, I just need some sort of sign to tell me that everything will be alright. I love you, you know who you are, and I don't want to hurt you ever, ever again. I know that I need to be better, treat you better, and just overall do everything differently. I love you so much; I don't even deserve to have someone as great as you. You mean the world to me, and more than that. I just need you to please give me as many chances as I need, which I know shouldn't be any more than you have already given me, but I swear I'm not who you think I am right now. I love you, I hope you know I do. As much as you may believe my anger is purposely directed towards you sometimes, it isn't. It really isn't; like I said, I just lose my temper sometimes, because I take one thing too seriously, or take one thing the wrong way, or get annoyed by one little thing that isn't even annoying, and it just pushes on me and pushes on me and pushes on me until it's all that's on my mind. It can't be that way anymore. I love you so much, I'd never intend to hurt you or anything like that. You're way too amazing to be treated the way I have treated you. And I really hope you see this and know that I'm not lying, because you mean that much to me.

By the way, this is the start of many LJ entries to come, just in case anyone was wondering. I'm going to get in the habit, because I was surprised at how well my feelings can flow when I write on here, and how good it feels to explain things and to get them out when I have a screen to talk to. Again, I'm extremely sorry, and I hope you'll forgive me. I love you too much to let you live like this anymore.


I'm sorry... [
8/20/06 - 4:47 pm]
For saying really mean things. For being shitty sometimes. For seeming like I don't care sometimes. For letting you down. For not being as good as I or you want.

I'm sorry about last night. I just hate it when we fight; it hurts me a lot. I only doubt things when we fight or say mean things to each other. You know that I feel so strongly for you, you know that I love you so much, and that I'd do anything for you. I just don't make it seem that way sometimes, and I'm so sorry I ever hurt you. I tried calling you this morning, but you didn't answer. I didn't want to call again because I didn't want to wake you up at 8:15. I mean it when I say I love you. I want us to be better, more meaningful, more honest, and stronger than we've ever been before. I want us to be more in love than we ever have before. We need to laugh more, take things less seriously, we need to be lighter. I love you so much, and I'm going to propose everything I can to help us through this. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I know it was my fault. I can't live a happy life without you. I want our parents to be friends and not yell or scream or do or say stupid things. I want them to get together and barbecue, I want them to always like me and always like you, and I want us to have barbecues and stuff together. Why can't we all be friends, despite some stupid decisions that we make or stupid things that we say or maybe they aren't the perfect people, but we can all get along. That's all I want, is happiness throughout. I don't think that's too much to ask. I want you to be happy, I want your parents and my parents to be happy, I want our lives to be happy. We can do it.

I love you so much. I know that I don't show it all of the time, but I do. I really do. I want us to last forever, and if I say or do anything that feels like I oppose that, anytime, correct me. I know in my mind, subconsciously, deep down, that I still love you and respect you and have huge feelings for you and want to be with you. I feel so horrible when I take on these awful characteristics and then I hurt you. It's almost like a split personality, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that I do these things to you. Everyone says and does stupid stuff sometimes. I don't want to anymore. I don't want you to say hurtful things anymore. I don't want me to do hurtful things anymore. I want us to be happy, positive, smiling, laughing, all the time. We can both change, just a tiny bit, just a tiny thing in our daily routies, that could change everything. Just little things can improve our entire relationship immensely. And it doesn't mean that we'll dislike the way we change, it just means that both of our personalities will be a little bit better, and we'll get used to the different parts of each other, and we'll love it even more than we did before. I know we can do that. I hope you know what I'm talking about. I love you.

*sigh*, another year. [
8/17/06 - 4:27 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Well, another summer is gone, and it seems like it didn't last long enough.
I had some good times, and some bad times.

Good times:
Numerous hangouts with Danielle - I got to hang out with Danielle a lot, which is pretty good. Just recently, my good pal Tom and I have gone up to Huntley multiple times per week, and it has brought more smiles to my face, because I got to see Danielle more and more. We've grown closer, shared secrets with each other, and shared even more kisses and hugs. All in all, I love her a lot, and unconditionally. That still hasn't changed, and won't ever. Despite arguments and little bickers, we still manage to stay strong, no matter what is thrown at us. I know you'll be reading this Danielle. I love you forever. I promise. No matter how stupid I am or how much of a smartass I am sometimes, I will always love you. I love you and Henry and Harriet and Zero and Flower. I want to hug all of you at once.

Warped Tour - of course, it was fucking awesome. Minus missing Hellogoodbye, every second of it was pretty much great. Danielle got to meet Tom Gabel, her hero, and I got to see the Early November and Chiodos, which were both awesome. We also saw Thursday, Against Me!, Greeley Estates (I had no idea they were that good), a bit of Joan Jett, and Saves the Day. I probably forgot a few. Also we got some nice merch. I got three shirts and some cds, and Danielle got a hoodie, a few shirts, and some cds. Regardless, it was awesome. My 4th year there and counting.

My birthday - Danielle is such a sweetheart. She gets me all this stuff, like shirts, jeans, a stuffed animal, and a ring. We went to Laser Quest (it doesn't matter how old you are, it's still awesome), and then guitar center, and then went home and opened presents. I love Danielle, she does so much for me, and I'm so grateful to have someone like her in my life.
That's all I really wanted for my birthday, was Danielle. And I got her.

Numerous hangouts with pals, friends, acquaintances, whatever you want to call them, they were sweet while they lasted. Joe, I'm gonna miss you, but you'll be back from time to time, so it's all good.

And today at school was...uneventful.

1st hour - Choir
It was good seeing Gund again. He hasn't changed much. Basically just went through rules and regs, and then sat around and chatted about summers.

2nd hour - Study Hall
Boring. Really confusing seating chart. No one knew what they were doing except me and Jon Olbrich. It shows how unattentive a lot of people are.

3rd hour - Psychology
This will probably be one of my favorite classes. We talk about the human mind, and social habits, and how society has molded us into who we are. It's actually really fascinating stuff. And Mr. Price plays guitar, and he wants to jam with me. And I have Cody, David, Renee, Myles, and John in my class, so it should be fun.

4th hour - Music Theory
This is what I've been waiting for for 3 years. It's gonna be totally great. All I have to do is read, write, and compose music. That's basically it. And there's 10 people in it, which makes it even cooler. Takes away the stress of a teacher yelling in a large, unattentive classroom. Should be good.

5th hour - Creative Writing
Basically we get to write about absolutely anything we want to. Which is automatically easy. Not to mention Mr. Zick is a goofball. He made me laugh the entire time.

6th hour - Gym
It's gym. Typical gym.

7th hour - Chemistry
All Mr. Anderson did was make jokes, swear, talk about drugs, and blow things up. Sounds good to me. And I thought I'd have to work really hard in there.

All in all, maybe it'll be an easy year. I wish me and Danielle went to the same school. That'd be the only thing that would make it perfect. <3

this just in... [
8/2/06 - 11:43 am]
i love my penguin & she loves me.

Danielle is the awesomest and prettiest.

I will update on warped tour sooonsoonosoon.


hello everyone! [
6/30/06 - 4:59 pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So right now, I'm pretty happy. I could be happier, and I know there's times when I've been depressed, but it all kinda rounds out, and i really shouldn't worry as much about small things. Tomorrow is 6 months for Danielle and I :). She's such an amazing girlfriend, and girl in general.  No one will ever have any idea how happy I am and how grateful I am to be with her. We're going to Chicago tomorrow to hang out, and it's the Taste of Chicago, even though i'm not really too excited about that part. I just want to be with Danielle. So that's what's going on tomorrow, and we'll also probably hang out monday and/or tuesday, which is good. I've been driving ALOTalotalot more than I used to, so i'm getting ever-so-closer to "honing my craft" as my parents call it, and to getting my driver's license. i'm pretty excited. ima get a tape player for my van so i can use my tape adapter to plug my mp3 player in, and i'll finally be able to have all the music that I want playing all the time. I'll probably roll my windows down from time to time just so I can drown out all that rap shit. hahah. i can't wait for that. and of course, i'll also be able to drive to danielle's almost every day, and we'll be able to go places we weren't able to go to before because of rides. rides will be taken care of. i still need to buy danielle her promise ring. i want it to say "Zach & Danielle, Always and Forever. 1-1-06". and then probably some hearts and stuff. so anyway, there's an update for you, just to sum up what's been going on lately. i get paid a pretty big check july 10th, should be roughly 450, but then taxes and SS and stuff should bring it down to 420 or 400. still a lot. i'm excited. that's what i plan to use to buy Danielle's ring. =)

=D teheh. she's my baby girl. <3

Fuck... [
6/12/06 - 8:08 pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

This is the most remorseful and low and ashamed and shitty I've ever felt, ever.

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]