chasing_melody (chasing_melody) wrote,

I'm sorry...

For saying really mean things. For being shitty sometimes. For seeming like I don't care sometimes. For letting you down. For not being as good as I or you want.

I'm sorry about last night. I just hate it when we fight; it hurts me a lot. I only doubt things when we fight or say mean things to each other. You know that I feel so strongly for you, you know that I love you so much, and that I'd do anything for you. I just don't make it seem that way sometimes, and I'm so sorry I ever hurt you. I tried calling you this morning, but you didn't answer. I didn't want to call again because I didn't want to wake you up at 8:15. I mean it when I say I love you. I want us to be better, more meaningful, more honest, and stronger than we've ever been before. I want us to be more in love than we ever have before. We need to laugh more, take things less seriously, we need to be lighter. I love you so much, and I'm going to propose everything I can to help us through this. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I know it was my fault. I can't live a happy life without you. I want our parents to be friends and not yell or scream or do or say stupid things. I want them to get together and barbecue, I want them to always like me and always like you, and I want us to have barbecues and stuff together. Why can't we all be friends, despite some stupid decisions that we make or stupid things that we say or maybe they aren't the perfect people, but we can all get along. That's all I want, is happiness throughout. I don't think that's too much to ask. I want you to be happy, I want your parents and my parents to be happy, I want our lives to be happy. We can do it.

I love you so much. I know that I don't show it all of the time, but I do. I really do. I want us to last forever, and if I say or do anything that feels like I oppose that, anytime, correct me. I know in my mind, subconsciously, deep down, that I still love you and respect you and have huge feelings for you and want to be with you. I feel so horrible when I take on these awful characteristics and then I hurt you. It's almost like a split personality, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that I do these things to you. Everyone says and does stupid stuff sometimes. I don't want to anymore. I don't want you to say hurtful things anymore. I don't want me to do hurtful things anymore. I want us to be happy, positive, smiling, laughing, all the time. We can both change, just a tiny bit, just a tiny thing in our daily routies, that could change everything. Just little things can improve our entire relationship immensely. And it doesn't mean that we'll dislike the way we change, it just means that both of our personalities will be a little bit better, and we'll get used to the different parts of each other, and we'll love it even more than we did before. I know we can do that. I hope you know what I'm talking about. I love you.
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